The long road to nowhere

August 12th


So here begins a (slightly altered) journey I have longed for since I was a little girl. I have always pictured myself a mother; I was always the one looking out for the kids who were bullied in school, who packed extra fruit in case someone forgot. And still to this day, as many family and friends can attest, I make sure all around me are fed and celebrated in a special way. All the while I have been practicing in hopes that one day all these "talents" could be used on my own family. When I met Andi I thought that this could be the gal to make my dreams come true. Well, all have, except this one.


It has been a rough road as we've watched so many of our friends and family become blessed with pregnancies. It always seemed effortless for everyone else, with pregnant women everywhere taunting me with their large bellies and pregnant 'glow'. It left me feeling like a failure, knowing that this most natural state of being was not yet within my reach. Don't get me wrong; we are, and have always been, happy for our pregnant family and friends, but that does not mean we haven't been green with envy.


We have prayed and prayed (to whoever would listen) that "this would be the month" but those darn pregnancy tests just laughed at me. We've lit candles, I've worn fertility goddesses around my neck, and of course entered into the maddening cycle of charting waking temps and checking cervical mucous. Not to mention, this big needle-phobe (ME!) started getting poked weekly by my lovely acupuncturist, as this ancient Chinese treatment is reported to increase my chances of conception. As anyone who has taken this agonizing journey knows, we've lived our lives in two-week increments, for the better part of 18 months now.


So we finally decided to go for the big guns and talk to our doctor about IVF. We were scared and excited all at the same time, hopeful that this would be the answer to our prayers. After our consultation with Dr. Amy, I was feelin' pretty good. She made it seem like our chances were/ are stellar. I am still 'young' in the fertility game and my hormone levels are all perfect. We took home our Giant Binder of info and started reading about what was to come...